Blue Christmas....

I hate feeling BLUE. 
I like feeling Yellow, or Red or even Pink... But Blue. I hate it. 


Ryan would interject now and say "Hate is a strong word.... Maybe you should use something different?" 


And I would reply "No, that's the word I was looking for!" 


I'm having a very Blue Christmas this year. Reading back on the last few entries, any certified Psychologist would know that something was brewing. But for me, it kinda hit me like a ton of bricks. 


I'm not sure where it started, or what triggered this lingering bad mood. (I would be wrong to even use the word linger, I'd be safer to say that the bad mood has signed a short term lease!) I've never felt like this for longer than a few days. I am in a hate:hate relationship with BLUE. I really need to get out! 


I have discovered something strange, sad and comforting all at the same time though. I'm not alone in this Blue Christmas mood. Soo many people have a hard time at Christmas. Lots of people go through hard things like breakups, illness, death and financial trouble at Christmas. This is a sad fact, many people struggle to get through the Holidays. And some people hide it better than others. I do a good job of hiding it. I'm a pro! 


But we can find some solace in why we celebrate. 
Its not the gifts we give....
Or the Decor....
Or the food..... 
Or the family.... 
But its the Birth or Jesus. Simply we need to remember that it was an awesome gift given to us. Not a gift we had to stand in line for, not one we had to use our Credit Card to purchase, not one we had to do anything at all for. It was given to us, out of LOVE. The best kind, the unconditional kind. 


Now, I say these things, and I understand them well. But for some reason the "Blue" hasn't left. I'm not sure when it will either..... But I had a glimpse the other day. I think its all about watering the little seed of love and hope in my heart with hugs and kisses, twinkle lights and LOVE. We all have a seed of Love, and if we water it with Love it will grow. I have to believe it will grow. Or BLUE will never go away. 


Something happened to me the last day of school that helped beyond measure. It was simple and sweet, and healing for my blue heart. It sheds some light on my theory. 


While picking Jonah up from his last day before holidays, I was filling his backpack with gifts and goodies, snow pants and mitts. In the kaos a little boy from Jonah's grade one class came running up to me and said " Im so glad your here! Just wait a minute..." and he put his little hand in his backpack and pulled out a Candy Cane. "I want you to have this, don't worry I have lots more at home. Merry Christmas Jonah's Mom!" 


At that moment, my heart felt like the grinches at the end of the movie... like it had started beating again. I was overcome. It was just a candy cane, but it was sooo much more. 


I asked if I could give him a hug, and he said yes. He hugged me a long time and said, "I love you." 


It was all I could do to keep it together. To get out of there with out letting go of the UGLY CRY! The Love he gave me that day, with that very simple gift was the start of a new beginning in my heart. 


So I'm not saying I have the answers, And I don't know how I'm gonna feel come Christmas morning. But I'm sure that Gods love for me was all wrapped up in that Candy Cane. I felt it. I know in my knower! (*P.H.E) That's how I know when we extend love, we get love. 


So this Christmas, If your feeling Blue too... You're not alone. But try to water your heart with Love by extending it to others this Christmas. It's a start at least. 


Here's to a Christmas that is filled with many colors... not just Blue! 


Big Hugs and Kisses,
Twinkle lights and LOVE, 
Melissa 




*(P.H.E) is our Pastor Hayward Eastman from Cold Lake Community Church. He would say this phrase and It always made Ryan and I giggle. It was such a true statement. Your "knower" is your spirit. He just had a Newfie name for it! I miss him and his family!